Why We Broke Up
Daniel Handler, Maira Kalman
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
I'm telling you why we broke up, Ed. I'm writing it in this letter, the whole truth of why it happened.
Min Green and Ed Slaterton are breaking up, so Min is writing Ed a letter and giving him a box. Inside the box is why they broke up. Two bottle caps, a movie ticket, a folded note, a box of matches, a protractor, books, a toy truck, a pair of ugly earrings, a comb from a motel room, and every other item collected over the course of a giddy, intimate, heartbreaking relationship. Item after item is illustrated and accounted for, and then the box, like a girlfriend, will be dumped.
going to tell the real truth, I tried to think of someplace, someplace extraordinary, where that would happen. The whole school knows that if we make state finals, everyone from the team stays in a hotel and Coach looks the other way, but we never made it that far. When we walked through the back door, you called out “Joanie, I’m home!” and I heard someone, “You know the rules—don’t talk to me until you shower.” “Hang out with my sister for a sec?” you asked me. “I don’t know her,” I said, in
can turn it off if you want.” “I have no opinion of it.” “Al.” “I don’t! I just don’t get it is all.” “Cinéma du moment, they call it. Cinema of the moment. You don’t like it.” “Don’t put this on me, Min. You don’t like it and want to turn it off, but you feel weird about it because of some book, When the Dark—” “When the Lights Go Down. That’s not why I feel weird about it.” “Then you feel weird about it for the same reason I do, because for forty minutes we’ve watched this French girl
it?” “Well, there’s something unavoidable coming up next weekend, and I think we should figure out how to do it.” It was like a giant spatula had descended hard and splattery onto me. I sat flattened, a sudden and stunned patty, piece of meat in the boy-filled theater. Unavoidable? Us having sex? Our fucking fucking, unavoidable? Like I couldn’t avoid it, the next weekend? You put your arm around me. I made sure my legs were together, even with my knee, the closest one to you, jumpy and
year?” you asked me. “The Scandinavian Hall.” “What’s the theme?” “Pure Evil. Do you guys, does it even have a theme?” “No.” We grinned grimly at each other, you thinking that it was worse to have a theme and me thinking that it was worse not to have one but at least both thinking that it was basically lame no matter what. “Will your friends freak,” you asked, “if you don’t—” “I have to go,” I said. “My friends hate me already, I have to go. But you won’t be noticed if you’re not there,
who’s also in Dinner at Midnight with glasses and a head cold, puts her on the train and she throws her mink in his sputtering face in a pouty huff, but you probably don’t remember that scene because by then it was French with your mouth wet and just the slight mint of toothbrushing. Al and I watched it sophomore year, double-featured with Catch That Gun, at his house with pizza and iced coffee that made me babbly but Al just trembly nervous with his knee twitching and nowhere to put his hands.