The Uncensored Bible: The Bawdy and Naughty Bits of the Good Book
John Kaltner, Joel Kilpatrick
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Strange but True Bible Facts
Did you know:
- that King David swore like a sailor?
- that the Book of Ecclesiastes encourages drinking, especially beer?
- that mandrakes were the biblical equivalent of Viagra®?
- that the law of Moses prescribes bikini waxing?
- that Joseph's "coat of many colors" might have actually been a dress?
- that Eve might have been created, not from Adam's rib, but from something a little lower down?
Discover all this, and more, in The Uncensored Bible.
justifies his deceit to Abimelech (the superego) by pointing out that he did not lie since he and Sarah share the same father. Abraham even tries to blame the external moral law for his predicament by pointing a finger at God for making him leave his father’s house in the first place. As Exum points out, if Abraham had been truly innocent, he probably wouldn’t have protested as much as he did. By the time we reach the third version, the superego functions independently of outside influence and
sleeping off the effects of the heavy partying he’d done at the reception, he woke up and noticed the switcheroo. The Bible describes the situation simply and elegantly: “When the morning came…it was Leah!”5 Bang. Suddenly, Jacob found himself hitched to the family’s wild cow. But what could he do? He was far away from home. He owned nothing that Laban hadn’t given him. He had nothing to bargain with. As Leah lay there smiling at him (we surmise), he leaped out of bed, wrapped a sheet around his
For example, Rabbi Eleazar suggested that the two brothers went out to the field and Ishmael began to shoot arrows at Isaac.3 (Maybe Rabbi Eleazar had done this to his half-brother and was just projecting.) But nothing in the text supports this interpretation. As is often the case with early rabbis, this attempt to fill in a gap in the story has no basis. Sorry, gentlemen. More intriguing is the proposal by the not so early (but never late) Rabbi Akiba. He says that Ishmael was fornicating with
Jerusalem and other parts of Palestine, especially in rocky places. They are a tuber or root vegetable, a species of the potato family, and as with potatoes and carrots, their underground root is their fruit. Their color is similar to the description in Harry Potter. They have dark green leaves around a purple flower, and their leafy tops grow close to the ground, like lettuce. Here is where mandrakes get weird: the roots do often look like a small person, similar to what’s described in Harry
snoozed through the Book of Judges in Sunday or Sabbath school. Samson was no ordinary guy. An angel foretold his birth and commanded his parents to raise him as a nazirite, which was a person who was separated or consecrated, as the Hebrew-derived term implies. Nazirites dedicated their lives to God and had to follow three rules: (1) avoid grapes and all products made from grapes; (2) never cut their hair; and (3) never come in contact with corpses.1 In Samson’s particular case, though not in