The Reluctant Vampire Omnibus
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
An ebook omnibus of Eric Morecambe's classic children's books, THE RELUCTANT VAMPIRE and THE VAMPIRE'S RETURN, illustrated by Tony Ross.
A shocking announcement from the Vampire Prince -- that he doesn't like blood but prefers chips and a glass of red wine -- begins a tale of ghoulish intrigue and hilarious horror.
through life always being lonely. I’m so ugly even I wouldn’t want to be friends with me.’ And he would watch a tear roll down from his eye. Then, taking his glass eye out of his pocket, he would look at it and wonder why it didn’t cry. After all, it was an eye; his eye. But poor Igon was never told it wasn’t an eye at all. It was only a blue glass marble that had been in a Christmas cracker which he’d stolen and pulled. He pulled it alone as no-one wanted to share a cracker, let alone
Vampire with the vapours is almost as bad as Frankenstein’s monster with a screw loose; his head falls off. Now, when a Vampire has the vapours his head doesn’t fall off but his teeth drop out. Can you imagine a Vampire without any teeth? He can’t bite you. The worst thing he can do is give a good suck. Igon looked at the Doctor with fear in his eye. The Doctor looked worried while the servant looked forward to leaving. Suddenly the window crashed open and through it came Valentine’s father,
Everybody thought that was Igon’s last sentence on earth. Vernon was so taken aback that it gave Wilf the opportunity he had been waiting for. He had seen the rubber ball the dog had chased. It was now by his foot. He kicked it as hard as he could away from Vernon who was standing with his back to the table the dog was under. As the ball sped along the laboratory floor he shouted, ‘Fang! Bruce! Fetch.’ The dog shot out from under the table at an incredible speed and ran between Vernon’s legs,
throat a little tightening. Vernon’s back, caused by lightning. The statue smashed open as the lightning hit it. The life-sized stone statue crashed to the ground and split open from head to toe. If you had been there you would have seen the statue leave the plinth it had been resting on for the past three years. You would also have seen a man crawl out of the broken statue and slowly, very slowly, make his way in a crab-like crawl to one of the park benches. He tried to sit on the bench.
strolled about Katchem in secret. No-one saw him, he made sure of that. The village was almost deserted, hardly a soul was to be seen, except for the police, and even they were not walking alone as usual, but in sets of eight. Vernon was thrilled that he had caused so much confusion and fear. Considering the fact that Katchem only had eight policemen, Vernon found it relatively easy to avoid the whole of Katchem’s police force at once. He walked in and out of the shadows of the streets he knew so