Snow White and the Seven Samurai
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Once upon a time, everything was fine. Humpty Dumpty sat on his wall, Jack and Jill went about their lawful business, the Big Bad Wolf did what big bad wolves do, and the wicked queen plotted murder most foul. But the humans hacked, cried havoc, shut down the wicked queen's system, and corrupted her database-and suddenly everything was not fine at all. But at least we know that they'll all live happily ever after. Don't we? Computers and fairy tales collide to hilarious effect in the latest sparkling cocktail of mayhem, wit, and wonder from the master of comic fantasy.
was working okay.’ ‘Don’t look now,’ Sis muttered, ‘but there’s two men under that tree over there staring at us.’ ‘Are there?’ The queen lifted her head. ‘That’s interesting. You never know, maybe that part of the system’s still running. Let’s give it a try, shall we?’ Sis looked doubtful. ‘They don’t look terribly nice,’ she whispered. ‘Wouldn’t it be better if we—?’ ‘No.’ The wicked queen stood up and waved her shoe. ‘Hello! Yes, you there. Are you Help?’ The men who’d been watching them
quotation was drowned out by the noise of the explosion. Chapter 5 ‘Again.’ The face in the mirror flickered, resetting itself to the position it had been in a few seconds earlier. ‘You, O Snow White, are the fairest of them all.’ ‘I thought that’s what you said,’ Snow White replied. ‘Still,’ she went on, ‘it does no harm to check these things. Who the hell are you, anyway?’ ‘Bad command or file name,’ replied her reflection austerely. ‘Please retry.’ Although her reflection stayed
degrading as well as silly. I’m a wolf, this is a human. Except — well, enough said. ‘What small eyes you’ve got!’ ‘What? Oh shit. I mean, yes, all the, um, worse for seeing you with.’ ‘Really? And what little ears you’ve got!’ ‘All the worse for hearing you with.’ ‘Psst!’ The figure in the bed started, then leaned its head sideways. Right, Fang said to himself, the other one’s hiding under the bed. ‘What?’ ‘Say “my dear”.’ ‘What? Oh, right.’ The figure sat up again. ‘All the worse for
clean.’ ‘Fair enough. So what do you want her for, then?’ Dumpy muttered something and looked away. ‘We’re stuck,’ said a voice from Rumpelstiltskin’s hat. ‘He’s supposed to be rounding up seven dwarves, but we’ve only been able to find four.’ Fang blinked. ‘Four dwarves?’ he queried. ‘You can’t have looked properly.’ ‘You reckon?’ ‘But dwarves always come in sevens,’ Fang replied. ‘Like cans of beer always come in sixes. It’s ... it’s . ‘It’s in the story,’ Tom Thumb finished the sentence
already had. Which would explain — oh, all sorts of things. His fingers itched for his ambience meter, tucked inside his jacket, but he didn’t dare reach for it in present company. Nobody likes to fade away and never to have existed in the first place, which was what might happen if he gave the game away to one of the natives. On the mantelpiece, the elf was ostentatiously looking the other way while pulling handfuls of dead leaf out of an old, dusty flower arrangement. Tom Thumb was doing more