Lighter Shades Freed: A (very) Critical Reader's Guide to "Fifty Shades Freed"
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“Christian holds open the platinum bracelet he’s just purchased…It’s wide and cufflike and hides the red marks.”
Turning a spousal abuser is a tough challenge, but it wouldn’t be a romance if it ended with the heroine sobbing in a police station while someone photographs her injuries. So, just how are we going to see Christian Grey – the man who takes his wife to a topless beach and then yells at her for going topless – turn into the immaculate husband and father he is clearly destined to be?
Lighter Shades Freed completes Cassandra Parkin’s meticulous deconstruction of this season’s literary phenomenon, which saw women everywhere become strangely besotted with a mad controlling emotionally-stunted psychopath, with good hair. Based on the hit viral blog entry, it catalogues unusual leaps of logic, surprising deductions, interesting personal quirks, outstanding pieces of dialogue, eccentric kidnapping attempts and – of course – all the moments in which Christian proves how tender, loving and gentle he really is underneath.
Oh, sorry, did we say “tender, loving and gentle”? What we actually meant was “savage, heartless and abusive”. Our mistake.
Lighter Shades Freed also provides a detailed statistical analysis of the text, including how often Ana says “Oh my”, how many times Christian tells her “You’re mine”, how often Ana uses bad language, and whether or not Ana may have an eating disorder.
While Fifty Shades Freed is a comic look at one woman’s quest to turn a violent control-freak into a romantic hero, the rather less funny truth is that two British women a week die at the hands of violent partners. For this reason, 50% of author royalties from Lighter Shades Freed will be donated to Women’s Aid.
the conversations are that they have while dancing? Did Emma watching Mr Knightley dancing while “almost thinking of marriage”, or Elizabeth’s taunting of Darcy the first time they dance together, or Henry Tilney’s famous description of the Country Dance as an “emblem of marriage”, completely pass you by? Christian gets into a brawl “She can take care of herself,” Blond Giant shouts. His hand moves from his cheek where I’ve slapped him, and Christian hits him…A perfectly timed punch to the chin
an orgasm. Photo: www.annsummers.com Jack’s depravity knows no limits “Ana, he fucked all his assistants and taped them.” (p496) Imagine that, Christian! A man depraved enough to take images of his sexual partners in compromising positions without their consent, and keeping those photos long after the relationship’s finished…! The final piece of the evidence puzzle “The note,” [Christian] says…”It went something like, ‘Do you know who I am? Because I know who you are, Baby Bird.’….it’s
there have been in recent years? One. Just one. The Duchess of Cambridge. And it was only a story because she took her top off in private. Women taking their tops off on a public beach where every other woman also has her top off is about as newsworthy as…well, as men taking their tops off on a public beach where every other man has his top off. Also, since Ana is still wearing her bikini bottom, the chances of her appearing naked on the cover of Star magazine are remote. Ana tries to appease
you like Pay for it Really. There’s no secret handshake or anything. Christian shares a revelation “You asked me why I braid your hair,” he murmurs. His tone alarms me. He looks…guilty. “Yes.” Oh, shit. “The crack whore used to let me play with her hair, I think. I don’t know if it’s a memory or a dream.” (p55) Seriously, Christian. “I play with your hair because I used to also play with the hair of my birth mother, who I remain so incredibly ambivalent towards that I am unable to
just get to know everything about Ana and Christian’s sex life, but we also get to know what books Ana’s mentally reading while they’re doing it? Ana speculates about Christian’s mysterious enemy My blood chills. Who could want to harm Christian? (p89) Well if you’re offering, I wouldn’t mind a quick go. Photo: erik jaeger [Flickr] Christian and Ana go for Sunday Brunch with the family It will be strange to be in company when we’ve been on our own all this time. (p90) Well, alone apart