Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
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Heralded by the New York Times and Time magazine as the couple therapy with the highest rate of success, Emotionally Focused Therapy works because it views the love relationship as an attachment bond. This idea, once controversial, is now supported by science, and has become widely popular among therapists around the world.
In Hold me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time. Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond. With this in mind, she focuses on key moments in a relationship-from Recognizing the Demon Dialogue to Revisiting a Rocky Moment-and uses them as touchpoints for seven healing conversations. Through case studies from her practice, illuminating advice, and practical exercises, couples will learn how to nurture their relationships and ensure a lifetime of love.
focused on teaching couples negotiation and communication skills to contain the conflict. But this addresses the symptoms, not the disease. It’s telling people caught in a never-ending dance of frustration and distance to change the steps when what they have to do is change the music. “Stop telling me what to do,” orders Jim. Carol considers this for a nanosecond before angrily retorting, “When I do that, you do nothing and we are nowhere!” We can come up with many techniques to address
a little about attachment and love and how our primal programming dictates that when Sal feels disconnected, he will aggressively reach for Kerrie, and she, seeing only his anger, will defensively withdraw to try to calm herself and the relationship. This basic “It’s not your inadequacies, it’s how we are wired” message seems to help a lot. This couple’s pattern of “You will listen/You can’t make me” has been in place throughout their marriage but became more powerful and toxic once Kerrie
there in the dark and my mind said, ‘She is busy. She can take her time.’ And here I am, I feel like some kind of pathetic fool.” As he says this, his eyes fill with tears. And this time when I look at Kerrie, her eyes are wide open. She has leaned forward toward her husband. I ask her how she is reacting to the things her husband is sharing. “I am really confused here,” she says, and turning to Sal, she asks, “Are you serious? You are. You get mad at me because you don’t feel important to me!
that happy families start with happy relationships between partners. When we are stressed out and constantly fighting with our partner, it spills over into our relationships with our children. It is clear beyond all doubt that conflict between parents is bad for kids. When we are frustrated and anxious, the way we discipline our kids suffers. Mostly we become harsher and more inconsistent. But it is more than just an issue of discipline. If we are struggling in an unhappy relationship, we are
theories question the validity of this concept. synchrony A state of mutual emotional attunement and responsiveness. 2 Ds A term used to refer to two universal relationship sensitivities or raw spots, namely the sense of being deprived of connection or emotionally starved, and the feeling of being deserted or rejected as unlovable by loved ones. Both result in our feeling alone and vulnerable. undifferentiated A concept used in family therapy indicating that a person cannot distinguish between